Johnny lives in a mean, topsy-turvy world, not radically different from our own. The police protect the criminals, silence or ignore the victims of crime, and pocket a share of the proceeds. Technology has stalled, and in most cases moved in retrograde.

Johnny collects antiques, nothing fancy, but they're valuable enough to attract the attention of a pair of home invaders. At first it's only tracking and watching, but when the time comes, when they inevitably attack, Johnny tries to fights them off. Nice try, but their guns easily trump his baseball bat. They rape Johnny and ransack his apartment, hauling off anything worth the effort.

Eventually, the police arrive. Rather than gather information on the home invasion and rape, the police threaten to arrest Johnny for having used excessive force in his effort to protect himself. Baseball bats can be deadly weapons, you know. They also tell him that they don't have the resources to chase around after his missing keepsakes. If Johnny knows what's good for him, he'll forget the whole thing. After all, he ain't gonna get knocked up, is he?

Undeterred, Johnny sets out to recover his property and his self-respect. His only weapons are his courage and a common gardening tool.

The Chinese Panda Vase weaves a dystopian tale in which crime and self-empowerment collide like eighteen-wheelers on an ice-covered highway.