It all went wrong when I was sent to a Quaker school. The teachers' approach was, "We think you're shit - prove us wrong," which didn't seem very Quakerly. I believed them, didn't prove them wrong, and left school convinced I couldn't do anything. I spent the next seven years trying to piece myself back together, working as a barman and short-order chef, teaching English, French, and guitar. I also took college courses and finally got into the University of Cambridge. I spent three happy years there, writing comedy sketches and articles for the university paper. I emerged with a fairly respectable degree in philosophy, a long-term girlfriend, and a contract to write a book about Joe Orton. The book deal was great, but wasn't going to make a huge amount of money, so I spent a few years training and managing people at Yellow Pages. As Google took over from Yellow Pages as the source of all knowledge, I saw my job wasn't going to last. After a year teaching English in Paris, I moved back to Reading, where I live with my wife and dog. I divide my time between teaching French people over the phone and writing books.